The Kjaorn Supremacy

The McKenzie gets PWNNNED!

I've played sports since I could crawl. All of 'em. These days I lean toward the action or extreme sports variety. Why? Beating, dominating other people, humans, it's too easy. How many times can I take some hooper to the rack and be all like, "I broke ya ankles!"? I mean, it's fun but I feel like a broken record sometimes. These days I need to dominate a landscape--a whole fucking eco-system. Sunday I took on the majestic McKenzie River with a couple of my compadres. I think the pictures tell the story. You be the judge.

Droppin' in. Focused.


Killin' it. The river is at my mercy.


Piece of cake. Didn't even break a sweat.


Nice try McKenzie. Really good effort. Keep your chin up. Maybe next time?

I'm going, going, back, back, to Cali, Cali!

I've been distant. I'm sorry. Oh, come on? Don't do that. I'm sorry. Sincerely. What can I do? Please? What can I do? Just tell me. It's not you. It's not. It's me. I'm not just saying that.

For real though, I suck at blogging. Haven't updated in a minute, so here ya go.

I've been a real busy boy. I swear. Working way too much. I've just about had it with the man. Making pretty houses for rich people. Hating every second of it, well not quite, but almost. Being reminded everyday why I went back to school. Wishing that would start paying dividends soon. Real soon. Got student loans to pay. Lots of loans. The dream is still alive, but in the meantime--a brother's gotta eat.

It hasn't been all bad. I have a little fun here and there. Last weekend I took a little trip down to Eureka, Ca. with my favorite girls in the whole world--the Emerald City Roller Girls--who took on the Redwood Rollers. Here's some pics from the trip:

Me being really cool, again. This was a vista point somewhere between Crescent City and Eureka. Beautiful. After leaving this spot I asked my fellow travelers, "What if the Govinator changed all the vista points to hasta la vista points?" Crickets ensued.

Serious Smack aka Your Mom aka Suzy Ninja Pants and most recently Serious Cliffhanger acclimating to Eureka quite nicely. Pretty much a seamless transition.

The Skatesaphrenics huddling up. This is moments before they gave the Redwood Rollers the beating of their lives. With this bout they finished up the season a perfect 5-0. Very proud.

Lamp Lumps pourin' some delicious Ninkasi for the homies @ the pre-after party. Gangster ish.

Trinidad Beach. Prolly the most beautiful beach I have ever seen. The iPhone camera doesn't do this place any justice. Really. Check it out if you're in the neighborhood. Trails, surfing, tidepools, etc... Two thumbs up.

Ma lady and I at the beach. No, you can't have her.

Couple of Ochre Sea Stars making sweet love, or maybe they're just cuddling? A bunch of anenomes, and a lone chiton. Love the tidepool! Nature, buddy!

A cute little Lined Shore Crab.

All in all, it was an amazing trip. Some camping in the Redwoods, a little roller derby, the after-party, the beach, amazing company... Good times. Good times.

I love you.

The Truth

This just in: Aaron Draplin of the DDC is going to be staring in a documentary. Oh yes, this thing is going to be an absolute must see.

Check out the trailer here: "The Draplin Thing"

I fucking love this guy's stuff. Real pumped.

Dear Asshole who stole my snowboard,

You are a sneaky fucking dirtbag. I was in the lodge for less than a minute, and when I came out my board was long gone, as were you. You're very lucky that I wasn't able to chase you down, because I would have choked the life out of your punk ass.

How do you sleep at night? I had to work my ass off for an entire summer pounding nails for a big fat asshole in order to afford that beautiful shredd stick. It wouldn't be so bad if I could afford to replace it, but I'm a full-time student, and shelling out $800 right now to replace it isn't really an option.

I am consoled by the fact that someday you will get caught, and I hope that when you do you are sentenced to no less than a good couple of months in the big house with a big horny sadistic ass raper.

Get bent,

Jake