The Kjaorn Supremacy

GET YOUR TICKETS FOR THE RIOTS OF SPRING

This is going down in a week, kids. Cop those tickets before they're sold up. Do it.

The birds are a singin' and the flowers are a bloomin' folks. Spring is just about upon us, and in their second bout of this young season our Emerald City's finest will be lacing 'em up once again for the Riots of Spring.

The young and zealous bunch that is the Church of Sk8in will be mixin' it up with the accomplished and always captivating Flat Track Furies in a face-off that is sure to swell your dopamine levels. The delicious Ninkasi brews will assist in gettin' those lobes poppin' off as well. Be sure to watch for Sk8in star Pow Wow to dawn the jammer cap and put some big points on the board. For the Furies, look for veteran jammer Darrah-lict to gracefully spring through the pack and make some big points of her own. This bout will be a cat fight till the last whistle. Believe it.

In the headliner Emerald City's 2009 League Champion Andromedolls will lock horns with Idaho's own Treasure Valley Roller Girls in a blitzkrieg for bragging rights. Look for the Dolls to control the pack while star jammers Bullet Brains and crowd favorite Sirius Smack overwhelm the Boise girl's defense. Don't sleep on those potato fed mamas from Idaho though, they'll be looking to raise pulses in this one, so keep your eyes glued.

Scantily clad mamas. Beers. Tunes. Nuf said. Go buy some tickets, dummy. Lot of 'em.

It's all goin' down Saturday March 27th @ 6, so get those calenders marked.

I love you

Andromedolls Plot For World Domination Continues...

I love this. You love it too or I'll punch ya right in the ol' fun bags. Got it?

Oh. Right. The video features Bullet Brains, Ariel Strike and Flash Goredom of the Emerald City Roller Girl's Andromedolls. Crazy kids. Enjoy.

Emerald City's finest back in action...

The skates have been dusted off, the fishnets have come out of the closet and the ladies of the Emerald City are once again ready to put on the sexiest, fastest and most brutal show on 8 wheels.

This bout will put last seasons undefeated league champs The Andromedolls against the young and hungry Church of Sk8in in a match that is sure to please. Also on the docket is the always exciting Flat Track Furies, who after losing last years championship bout in overtime, have something to prove. Look for them to be skating as amazing as ever against the Bad Reputations of the Terminal City.

As usual, the Ninkasi will be on tap and delicious as ever. The tunes will be cranked to fuckin' 10! And the ladies, oh the ladies. That's all I'm gonna say. Be there or be square, and stuff.

Get your tickets here: Brown Paper Tickets.

And if you have yet to join the Sirious Smack Fan Club, what the eff are you waiting for? Check it out: Sirious Smack Fan Club. She's totally effin radical.

Love you.

Emerald City Roller Girls: Inaugural Brawl

Hooray for the roller derby! Oh yeah, it's that time of year again, folks. The skates have been dusted off, the fishnets have come out of the closet and the ladies of the Emerald City are once again ready to put on the sexiest, fastest and most brutal show on 8 wheels.

This bout will put last seasons undefeated league champs The Andromedolls against the young and hungry Church of Sk8in in a match that is sure to please. Also on the docket is the always exciting Flat Track Furies, who after losing last years championship bout in overtime, have something to prove. Look for them to be skating as amazing as ever against the Bad Reputations of the Terminal City.

As usual, the Ninkasi will be on tap and delicious as ever. The tunes will be cranked to fuckin' 10! And the ladies, oh the ladies. That's all I'm gonna say. Be there or be square, and stuff.

Get your tickets here: Brown Paper Tickets.

And if you have yet to join the Sirious Smack Fan Club, what the eff are you waiting for? Check it out: Sirious Smack Fan Club. She's totally effin rad.

Love you.

I'm going, going, back, back, to Cali, Cali!

I've been distant. I'm sorry. Oh, come on? Don't do that. I'm sorry. Sincerely. What can I do? Please? What can I do? Just tell me. It's not you. It's not. It's me. I'm not just saying that.

For real though, I suck at blogging. Haven't updated in a minute, so here ya go.

I've been a real busy boy. I swear. Working way too much. I've just about had it with the man. Making pretty houses for rich people. Hating every second of it, well not quite, but almost. Being reminded everyday why I went back to school. Wishing that would start paying dividends soon. Real soon. Got student loans to pay. Lots of loans. The dream is still alive, but in the meantime--a brother's gotta eat.

It hasn't been all bad. I have a little fun here and there. Last weekend I took a little trip down to Eureka, Ca. with my favorite girls in the whole world--the Emerald City Roller Girls--who took on the Redwood Rollers. Here's some pics from the trip:

Me being really cool, again. This was a vista point somewhere between Crescent City and Eureka. Beautiful. After leaving this spot I asked my fellow travelers, "What if the Govinator changed all the vista points to hasta la vista points?" Crickets ensued.

Serious Smack aka Your Mom aka Suzy Ninja Pants and most recently Serious Cliffhanger acclimating to Eureka quite nicely. Pretty much a seamless transition.

The Skatesaphrenics huddling up. This is moments before they gave the Redwood Rollers the beating of their lives. With this bout they finished up the season a perfect 5-0. Very proud.

Lamp Lumps pourin' some delicious Ninkasi for the homies @ the pre-after party. Gangster ish.

Trinidad Beach. Prolly the most beautiful beach I have ever seen. The iPhone camera doesn't do this place any justice. Really. Check it out if you're in the neighborhood. Trails, surfing, tidepools, etc... Two thumbs up.

Ma lady and I at the beach. No, you can't have her.

Couple of Ochre Sea Stars making sweet love, or maybe they're just cuddling? A bunch of anenomes, and a lone chiton. Love the tidepool! Nature, buddy!

A cute little Lined Shore Crab.

All in all, it was an amazing trip. Some camping in the Redwoods, a little roller derby, the after-party, the beach, amazing company... Good times. Good times.

I love you.

NORTHERN FIGHTS

Bout this Saturday at the fairgrounds.

You know the deal: PBR tall cans, chicks in short skirts, sweet tunes, and etc. . .

I'm gonna be rockin' the stripes, as usual. Gettin' it done. Keepin' the ladies in line. Ya know.

I do believe the tattoo convention is gonna be poppin' off down there as well. Oh yes, the freaks will be out on Saturday.

Come down. Get some ink done. Watch some roller derby! Do it. Do it.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye. . .

it's time for some mutha effin' roller derby. Ahhhh yeah, ahhhh yeah!!!

That's right kids, my beloved Emerald City Roller Girls will be kickin' off their 2009 derby season here in about a month--February 21 to be exact, so get those tickets NOW dummies!!! Only 800 tickets will be available for this bout, so you best get 'em quick!

As usual, I'll be in the house. Rockin' the stripes. Blowin' whistles. Keepin' the ladies in line, or trying anyways. Gettin' it done.

The PBR is gonna be flowin'! The ladies are gonna be lookin' hot! A portion of the proceeds will go to support the Sexual Assault Services of Lane County. That's right, you can drink beer, peep some awesome roller derby action, and support a great charity at the same time. It's a beautiful thing. Do it. Do it.

Power of the Stripes

Again folks, if you didn't make it to the bout, you really missed out. Once again the lovely and talented Emerald City Roller Girls sold out the joint. Yep, packed the fair grounds full. 3,000 plus roller derby faithful screaming and cheering for our awesome ladies, and filling the air with an electricity that cannot be described. Very Phil Collinsesque.

The bout was great. Coos County got worked over by our Andromedolls, but played their hearts out nonetheless. I really admire those chicks determination and love for the game. The Andromedolls really played great. Very impressed with those chicks as well. Very impressed.

The Church of Sk8in' and Flat Track Furies bout was an epic battle, and even included a real deal brawl, which I didn't get to see unfortunately. That's right, fervorous fists rained down from the skies like hate filled stones. Not to say that I encourage this kind of behavior in roller derby, I don't. The sport has been trying to recover from that image and establish themselves as a legit sport, which it absolutely is, but on the other hand, I'm a sports fan and a good bench clearing brawl is something that I have always enjoyed as a fan. My fellow refs did a fantastic job restoring the order. Good job zebras.

Both of these teams came into the bout undefeated, and both played like champions, but in the end the Church prevailed narrowly. I was impressed with the efforts of both teams. Great, great bout it was. I wise man once said, "After a bout, half of the people are happy and half the people are sad. Then we drink beer." Or something along those lines. Soooo true. I got nothin' but love for the entire ECRG organization. Pretty much the coolest kids I know. A great time was had by all.

Rocking the stripes finally paid off. Not to say that all the love and appreciation I receive from the ladies isn't enough, because it is, and I do love the free post bout beers. Really--but anything beyond that is extra sweet. While cleaning up after the bout I was approached by a wicked hot derby fan who hooked up the digits. Oh yeah, the ladies love the stripes.

Emerald City Roller Girls: Concrete Jungle

Saturday, saturday, saturday at the Lane County Fair Grounds. Hot roller derby action. Your Emerald City Roller Girls will be in action along with the Coos County Roller Girls. BE THERE!

For real though, all I ever here after a bout is, "Jake, why didn't you tell me there was a bout? I really need to check one of these things out! What the fuck man?"

Well, here it is. You have been informed, so don't come at me with that ish next week unless you want to be slapped in the tits. Go get your tickets pronto because these things are selling like hot cakes. Tickets can be had on their website, at Fastlane Coffee, or through me possibly, so holler at'cha boy. Get 'em well the gettin' is good folks. These suckers won't last.

A good time will be had by all. That is a guarantee! Dope tunes. PBR tall cans. Scantily clad ladies beating the shit out of each other, and hopefully not me. What more can you ask for?

Unsatisfied customers will be allowed to kick me square in the baby maker.

I love you.

Emerald City Roller Girls: Concrete Jungle

Another bout coming up quick folks. Clear the calendar for April 26th, and get your tickets ASAP because they won't last. The ladies are packing houses wherever they go. Going to be a great time as usual. If you make it to the bout and mention that you saw this poster on my blog, I will loan you my pet squirrel Alowishus for a week. Chicks dig squirrels. TRUST. Hope to see you there. I like your butt. Call me.

Bloody Sunday

Getting really pumped for tomorrow. The bout sold out, and it's going to be intense. I hope I don't fall on my face, or get beat up by a crazed derby chick.

Bloody Sunday

Tickets are selling out fast, and probably won't be available at the door. To ensure entrance into this event I would recommend getting your tickets HERE! Be there, or be square. Seriously. It's going to be a good time. Real good.