The Kjaorn Supremacy

IT'S THE CITY I LIVE IN, THE CITY OF ANGELS...

Hey Mom,

LA is great! I'm having the bestest time ever and the truth is there's no place I'd rather be. The sun is always a shinin' and there are bunches of pretty girls as far as the eye can see. I'm thinking I'll start working on getting you some grand kids real soon. Well, I'd actually like to practice making 'em a little more to make sure I can make you a really, really good one, so don't get too excited just yet.

Work is great. The people are totally tubular (I'm trying to pick up on the local lingo). They're all very creative, smart and super nice folks. On Friday I got to experience my very first FREE FOOD FRIDAY and it was great! There were hamburgers and hot dogs and chips and dips and beers (don't worry I only had 3). It was all very tasty. We all sat out in the sun and ate and drank and talked and had a very swell time. I pitched some ideas the other day too, and my boss really seemed to like one of 'em. I'm hoping to do some really great stuff here, mom. It's really very exciting.

I found a place to live too! It's in West Hollywood and it's pretty nice actually. I haven't even got shanked once, and as a matter of fact all the guys around here are exceptionally kind. There's this club right down the road and it's always jam packed full of guys just having the best time ever. Every time I walk by it seems someone always says, hey handsome, wanna party? I normally just tell them that I appreciate the kind offer, but I'm trying to be frugal. One time a guy even complimented me on my behind, which was very nice since I've been feeling awful self-conscious with all the super skinny and tanned folks around here. It was a pleasant surprise to learn that people in West Hollywood have an accent too. I had no idea! They all sound very enthusiastic all the time - kinda like Richard Simmons, and they call everybody girlfriend and think everything is just fabulous. It's all very good fun.

The apartment is nice. We have a deck out back with a BBQ and a hammock and the time just flies when I'm back there reading and getting some sun on my titties. It's really great. It's all so very exciting.

Well, I think that's about all for now, but I'll be sure to write again soon and often. I hope life is treating you handsomely as well, mom. Take care.

Love always. Your son,

Jake

GET YOUR TICKETS FOR THE RIOTS OF SPRING

This is going down in a week, kids. Cop those tickets before they're sold up. Do it.

The birds are a singin' and the flowers are a bloomin' folks. Spring is just about upon us, and in their second bout of this young season our Emerald City's finest will be lacing 'em up once again for the Riots of Spring.

The young and zealous bunch that is the Church of Sk8in will be mixin' it up with the accomplished and always captivating Flat Track Furies in a face-off that is sure to swell your dopamine levels. The delicious Ninkasi brews will assist in gettin' those lobes poppin' off as well. Be sure to watch for Sk8in star Pow Wow to dawn the jammer cap and put some big points on the board. For the Furies, look for veteran jammer Darrah-lict to gracefully spring through the pack and make some big points of her own. This bout will be a cat fight till the last whistle. Believe it.

In the headliner Emerald City's 2009 League Champion Andromedolls will lock horns with Idaho's own Treasure Valley Roller Girls in a blitzkrieg for bragging rights. Look for the Dolls to control the pack while star jammers Bullet Brains and crowd favorite Sirius Smack overwhelm the Boise girl's defense. Don't sleep on those potato fed mamas from Idaho though, they'll be looking to raise pulses in this one, so keep your eyes glued.

Scantily clad mamas. Beers. Tunes. Nuf said. Go buy some tickets, dummy. Lot of 'em.

It's all goin' down Saturday March 27th @ 6, so get those calenders marked.

I love you