GAY PRIDE!

It's gay pride week or month or something here in LA, and more specifically here in W. Hollywood - which is the mecca for hot guy on guy action. It's insane down here. Try and imagine the gayest thing you can think of and then multiply that by 47, carry the 1 and then square it. Yeah, man. Ish is off the hinges. You've never seen so many pink polos with the collars popped in your entire life than right here and right now. As I sit here and write this little ditty hot techno beats are blowing in my window with the cool Santa Ana winds from the huge celebration going down just up the street. If it's not hitting at at least 150 bpm, forget about it. I'm not sure I'm going to ever be able to sleep again without techno bumpin' and police sirens in the background after laying my head here in W. Holly for the last few months. I figured since this weekend is the Pride Celebration I would share my gayest story from my time here so far. Here goes...

If you're not down with the get down let me get you up to speed. I am currently renting a living room from a bi dude named JC. He's kind of a weird cat, but a good dude nonetheless. We share the apartment with another dude, Christopher, who also loves the cock. He's a cool cat too actually. Funny dude - always calling his boyfriend and JC fags. It's pretty hilarious, trust. So here I am in the heart of the gay capital of the world living with 2 gay guys - it's been different, but not in a bad way mind you. Not at all. Just different from what I've experienced in my life till now. I know people like to pretend that Eugene is some thriving cultural melting pot, and teeming with diversity, but come on, look around - It's white people on top of white people. There's not a place in the World where you will see more "Love Sees No Color" tee shirts, and yet where you can go days without seeing a single black man. Eugene is a hot spot for hippies and that's it, but I digress. Back to the story, my story, my gay, gay story.

Two weekends ago I was chillin' on my bed reading when JC was like, "Hey Jake! We're having a little pool party! You should totally come down!"

I wasn't too stoked on the idea because, why would I be? Way too many dudes in really small shorts. I'm just not trying to kick it with hella dudes in Speedos, ever - regardless of race, religion or creed and etc. It's just not my idea of a good time, so I politely declined, and continued to dig into my book. However, JC would not take no for an answer and continued to encourage me to come down, and finally I agreed. I had $1.18 in my checking account at the time and figured, fuck it, at least I can get my grub on, so I headed down to the pool. Upon arrival I was met with just about exactly what I had expected - about 15 dudes huddled in and around the pool and all in Speedos or something very similar. The stuff dreams are made of, that is, if you happen to be Ricky Martin. So I roll up in there and am immediately eye fucked by at least half of these dudes like, "Who's this fresh piece of man meat." Ha. For real though, not a minute after walking up this guy says to me, "Heeeeey! Who are you???"

Before I could even say a word JC blurts out, "He's straight. Don't bother."

So instead of shaking his fist at the heavens for making this fine piece of A a fan of the ladies he says, "Oh. I don't mind. I don't mind at all! You're cute!"

"Uh, thanks," I responded.

"What are you up to tonight? Wanna come over?"

"No thanks. I think I'm gonna chill."

"Okay, well you can come over anytime. I'll leave my door open for you!"

"Uh, okay. I wouldn't hold your breath."

So that was a little uncomfortable, but he was a funny dude and was mostly just messing around, as was I. So I went ahead and hooked up a fat plate of bbq and a tall glass of Kool-Aid. Believe it or not shit was delicious. Smoked ribs, burgers, sausages (obviously), lobster mac and cheese, chips, salsa, Kool-Aid, and that fucking Kool-Aid was the finest god damn glass of purple I've had this side of Papa's Soul Food Kitchen. Shit was that ill man. Word bond to my mother, man. So as I finished my food and tasty cup of purple, and was about to leave when the gentleman with the man crush continued, "But seriously, you should totally come over sometime. I know you said you don't want to, but I'm going to leave my door open just in case you change your mind."

I just laughed. "It's nothing against you, it's just that I love the titties and vagina. I just do. I'm sorry."

What happened next I will never forget for as long as I live, but first a commercial break... This dude then brought his hand up to his man boob, his moob and gave it a little flick and said, "I got titties!" He then looked up into my eyes, right into my eyes, and with no hesitation says, "And I PROMISE you that my hole is WAY tighter!"

I shit you not. Word for fucking word. I can only imagine the look on my face at that moment in time. Shock. Disbelief. Wow. Is this what it's like to be a mama? Vulgar come-ons and the like? Personally I'm not that forward with the ladies, but I'm thinking there are probably a lot of dudes that are. If so, I'm thoroughly sorry because that shit was traumatic. Makes for a good story though I guess.

Love you.

Comments

[Puma Shoes]

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[Puma Shoes]

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[Orson]

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[vibram five fingers]

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[vibram five fingers]

my hole is WAY tighter

[vibram five fingers]

It's nothing against you, it's just that I love the titties and vagina