The Kjaorn Supremacy

The Art of Bryan M. Viveros

I totally fuckin' dig it. Check out more stuff HERE.

Evolution of the Hipster

Peeped this at PasteMagazine.com. I probably would have ignored it entirely (making fun of hipsters is sooo 2008) but then I saw Miss 2003. Holy shit! That is my fucking ex-girlfriend. Well, it's not her, but it is sooo her. Ya know? Good thing I kicked her to the curb. She is totally living in the past, and that could have serious adverse effects on my personal brand. I can't afford a re-brand right now, ya know. Ya know? Ok. So she dumped me. Who am I kidding? I didn't mean it baby! I love you! Please take me back! Puhleeeeez. Babe?

Making Customer Service Fun

Working at Backcountry.com I see my fair share of customer complaints, suggestions and the like, but fortunately I do get to see a great deal of praise as well.

The following is a blog post from a satisfied customer:

I have debated writing a post about a recent customer service experience for a while because I selfishly don’t want too many people to know about this particular site, but since this blog’s readership averages about 2.7 people per day (less, if my mother has a really full day planned) and because I’m STILL chuckling over this incident two weeks later, I figured it was a decent tradeoff.

Steep and Cheap is the company. It is part of the BackCountry family,  a bunch of sites catering to different outdoor recreation niches, and it’s a great one to keep up in the background if you’re stuck at a computer for a good chunk of the day. They have a pretty simple concept:

At Steep and Cheap, we sell premium, core outdoor gear and clothing at prices that are downright criminal.

Here’s how it works:

• Steep and Cheap sells one screamin’ deal at a time until it’s gone.
• The deals are fat, so they sell out fast.
• You have to act fast or you’ll miss it, but don’t stress—as soon as one deal sells out, we kick off another.
• It’s back-to-back deals all day long.

So. A few weeks ago my husband snagged a really nice dark red Outdoor Research jacket on Steep and Cheap for $30.  When he got to the checkout, he found they had added a combined shipping feature to their site, giving you the option to have them hold your order in case you want to add something in the next few days. Since we were hoping to find a similar deal on a jacket for me and he didn’t need his jacket immediately, we went ahead and did that.

Unfortunately, somehow he overclicked and two jackets showed up in the final confirmation. When he contacted Steep and Cheap to correct the number of jackets to be sent, they did so but also accidentally deleted the “hold” status, triggering immediate shipment. Since we hadn’t yet found a jacket for me it wasn’t really a big deal right then, but of course a couple of days later an irresistibly cute Arc’teryx jacket came up for a lovely price. After I placed my order, I sent their customer service folks a mail telling them how much we loved their site and asking for the shipping to be adjusted to reflect our original wish to combine shipping. I fully expected for them do graciously do so, but was absolutely not expecting the response I received:

Hi Andrea,

Thanks for contacting us at Steepandcheap.com.  We love you, too. We would marry you if you weren’t already married. And we weren’t a company, but rather a young shy boy lost in the throes of love, yea, a misty-eyed dreamer looking towards the future, still unscathed and unpolluted by the hardships of mid-adulthood. We would ask your housemaid to deliver white flowers to you, with an anonymous note that read “Heaven nor hell could provide me the joy and pain your approval or lack thereof might impose upon me.” Then, that very night at midnight we’d stand outside your window playing a love sonnet on the violin–a heartfelt ribbon of swaying notes and flittering string plucks. You could get out of bed and come to the balcony to listen. Instead of saying anything, you might drop a single white handkerchief slightly soaked with your tears.

But none of that could ever happen, so instead I just gave you a full refund on your shipping costs. I think it was like 8 bucks. Thanks for the love.

Attached to the end of that response was a link asking me to rate the service I received. I think I may have said something in the comments section about not having a problem with ditching my husband and marrying them instead.

Now, I have no idea if that response was something they have canned and are empowered to throw into a reply if they feel it’s appropriate or if this particular rep was just having a slow morning and a creative urge. It really doesn’t matter. What matters is that they got a fan for life by simply adding a little bit of fun to a response that really only needed to be, “Thank you for your request, Andrea, we have adjusted the shipping fee to reflect a combined shipping order. We look forward to serving you in the future.” They probably also gained a customer who would be willing to pay a little bit extra at Steep and Cheap rather than try to save a few bucks on another site, just to support the company.

Seems like a great way to do business and probably a great place to work, don’t you think?

The original post can be found here: Making Customer Service Fun--What a Concept!

Epic Stop Motion

P.O.S.

Minneapolis is killin'em right now. Cot damn! No gold teef. No pimp cups. No 26'' rims. No fucking T. Pain on the hook. Just straight up real ish.

Just downloaded the P.O.S. "Never Better" album and I can't stop bumpin' it. Just lettin' it play through. This is real hip-hop, kids. Kinda wish I would have picked up the actual c.d. though. Check this out:

Hands On: Never Better

I might have hit ya with a link to this already, but you know you wanted to peep it again.

"Optimist"

Another dope track. Another dope video.

"Purexed"

I love you.

The McKenzie gets PWNNNED!

I've played sports since I could crawl. All of 'em. These days I lean toward the action or extreme sports variety. Why? Beating, dominating other people, humans, it's too easy. How many times can I take some hooper to the rack and be all like, "I broke ya ankles!"? I mean, it's fun but I feel like a broken record sometimes. These days I need to dominate a landscape--a whole fucking eco-system. Sunday I took on the majestic McKenzie River with a couple of my compadres. I think the pictures tell the story. You be the judge.

Droppin' in. Focused.


Killin' it. The river is at my mercy.


Piece of cake. Didn't even break a sweat.


Nice try McKenzie. Really good effort. Keep your chin up. Maybe next time?

I'm going, going, back, back, to Cali, Cali!

I've been distant. I'm sorry. Oh, come on? Don't do that. I'm sorry. Sincerely. What can I do? Please? What can I do? Just tell me. It's not you. It's not. It's me. I'm not just saying that.

For real though, I suck at blogging. Haven't updated in a minute, so here ya go.

I've been a real busy boy. I swear. Working way too much. I've just about had it with the man. Making pretty houses for rich people. Hating every second of it, well not quite, but almost. Being reminded everyday why I went back to school. Wishing that would start paying dividends soon. Real soon. Got student loans to pay. Lots of loans. The dream is still alive, but in the meantime--a brother's gotta eat.

It hasn't been all bad. I have a little fun here and there. Last weekend I took a little trip down to Eureka, Ca. with my favorite girls in the whole world--the Emerald City Roller Girls--who took on the Redwood Rollers. Here's some pics from the trip:

Me being really cool, again. This was a vista point somewhere between Crescent City and Eureka. Beautiful. After leaving this spot I asked my fellow travelers, "What if the Govinator changed all the vista points to hasta la vista points?" Crickets ensued.

Serious Smack aka Your Mom aka Suzy Ninja Pants and most recently Serious Cliffhanger acclimating to Eureka quite nicely. Pretty much a seamless transition.

The Skatesaphrenics huddling up. This is moments before they gave the Redwood Rollers the beating of their lives. With this bout they finished up the season a perfect 5-0. Very proud.

Lamp Lumps pourin' some delicious Ninkasi for the homies @ the pre-after party. Gangster ish.

Trinidad Beach. Prolly the most beautiful beach I have ever seen. The iPhone camera doesn't do this place any justice. Really. Check it out if you're in the neighborhood. Trails, surfing, tidepools, etc... Two thumbs up.

Ma lady and I at the beach. No, you can't have her.

Couple of Ochre Sea Stars making sweet love, or maybe they're just cuddling? A bunch of anenomes, and a lone chiton. Love the tidepool! Nature, buddy!

A cute little Lined Shore Crab.

All in all, it was an amazing trip. Some camping in the Redwoods, a little roller derby, the after-party, the beach, amazing company... Good times. Good times.

I love you.

WhiskeyMilitia.com has a new face

This morning this got sent out to everybody who has ever bought something from WhiskeyMilitia.com.

Yeah, that's me. Ha. Pretty pumped.
Check out their YouTube channel here.
Peace to the Gods and the Earths.

Skatesaphrenia, how many of us have it?

Listen up kids!

May 9th, the Emerald City's very own Skatesaphrenics will be taking on Lava City's Smokin' Ashes. These are these respective league's all-star squads. This ish is gonna be hot, hot, hot.

Last year the Skatesaphrenics traveled to Bend and gave Bend a serious spanking in their own building. They will be looking to return the favor.

Not sure if I'll be reffing this one yet, but I'll be in the building fa sho--Yeah, I got that Skatesaphrenia. Get you some.

NORTHERN FIGHTS

Bout this Saturday at the fairgrounds.

You know the deal: PBR tall cans, chicks in short skirts, sweet tunes, and etc. . .

I'm gonna be rockin' the stripes, as usual. Gettin' it done. Keepin' the ladies in line. Ya know.

I do believe the tattoo convention is gonna be poppin' off down there as well. Oh yes, the freaks will be out on Saturday.

Come down. Get some ink done. Watch some roller derby! Do it. Do it.

For the spank bank. . .

Skaters for Eugene Skateparks

Some good folks are trying to raise some funds in order to get a skate park built under the Washington/Jefferson bridge. This park would give the kids of Eugene a great place to skate, especially in the rainy months, which as we know are abundant in Eugene.

Rumor has it that an area would also be built for the roller girls to do there thing, which would be great as well.

Donate if you can, and help spread the word. Do it for the kids.

Be Mine?

Or I'll judo chop you right in the tits. Yep, right in the ol' fun bags. Uh. . . PLEASE! I love you.

Happy Valentine's Day kids.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye. . .

it's time for some mutha effin' roller derby. Ahhhh yeah, ahhhh yeah!!!

That's right kids, my beloved Emerald City Roller Girls will be kickin' off their 2009 derby season here in about a month--February 21 to be exact, so get those tickets NOW dummies!!! Only 800 tickets will be available for this bout, so you best get 'em quick!

As usual, I'll be in the house. Rockin' the stripes. Blowin' whistles. Keepin' the ladies in line, or trying anyways. Gettin' it done.

The PBR is gonna be flowin'! The ladies are gonna be lookin' hot! A portion of the proceeds will go to support the Sexual Assault Services of Lane County. That's right, you can drink beer, peep some awesome roller derby action, and support a great charity at the same time. It's a beautiful thing. Do it. Do it.

iPhone parody

About a year ago I was messing around and wrote up a little iPhone parody ad for shits, and speaking of shits--that's exactly what the commercial is about--how amazing the iPhone is in the bathroom. Amazing segue, right? Yeah, I know. Anyways, when I wrote this I really had no idea how spot-on I was because at the time I did not actually have an iPhone, and nobody would let me take their precious iPhone into the bathroom with me. Greedy fuckers. Well, I do have an iPhone now, and I can tell you that I was absolutely right.

Here it is:

(sfx & video) Open with classic iPhone music and screen of phone prominently displayed. Pan out just enough to make it obvious that the iPhone user is on the toilet. User is checking email, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

(V.O.) iPhone changed the business landscape, but it also changed the way people do their business. Check and send email while you shit. Check your Facebook while you shit. What are you doing? Yes indeedy, update your Twitter on the shitter--That's right, tweet while you drop heat. Constipated? Turn on your power song (user switches over to iPod function and selects "Triumph" by the Wu-Tang Clan which begins to play) and squeeze out that burrito baby.

(sfx) Loud flatulence and a turd hitting water followed by iPhone user making noises of ecstasy.

(V.O.) iPhone--it's the shit.

The Apocalype!!!

So with recent declines in the stock market and the success of "Hollywood Chihuahua" at the box office many prophets, or late night television hosts rather, have been talking about an imminent apocalypse on the horizon. So I, being the hustler that I am, ask--how can a brother get ahead in this crazy, crumbling world? The answer was malt liquor. Yes, malt liquor.

When your 401k drops 50% what do you do? When you lose your house, what do you do? and etc. . . I'll tell you what you do--you drink malt liquor.

Oh yes, expect to see blue chip malt liquor brands such as Old English, St. Ides, and Schlitz to rake in unprecedented profits in the coming months. Invest now folks. You heard it here first.

Threw this little print ad together with this thought in mind. Mind you, it took five minutes so don't dare talk shit about my lazy art direction. I'm a CW anyways, give me a break.


*I will not assume any responsibility for your poor investments choices. Come on folks, this is Jake here, I'm a shit talker.*

Diesel: SWF XXX

I know I've been slackin' a bit kids, but I'm a busy boy. Please forgive me. In an attempt to redeem myself I have for your viewing pleasure quite possibly the best commercial ever made. Oh yes. You just wait and see. This thing has One Show Gold written all over it. Enjoy. Love you.

Too Cruel for School

Saturday September 20th @ the fairgrounds. That's right kids. The lovely & talented Emerald City Roller Girls are going to be back in action, and this ish is going to be CRAZY!!! A round robin tournament for league supremacy. Will the Church continue their league play dominance? Will the Furies reclaim their position as the queens of the ECRG? Or will the Dolls assert themselves as the cream of the crop? I'm not really sure what is going to happen, but I'm mos' definitely gonna be in the house for this one. The entertainment will be epic as usual, and the PBR will be flowing like the Willamette in January. Good times will be had by all. Hope to see you there. I love you.

It's Sonic Good

I love Sonic commercials. Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em. They're my absolute fav. Because of these great commercials Sonic is my favorite restaurant and I've never even been there. I never knew who was making these commercials and was always a little curious, so I went ahead and did a little research this morning. The agency is Barkley out of Kansas City. Check 'em out. They're doing some really good work. I would totally work there if I didn't despise KC. Here is a compilation of Sonic commercials I found on YouTube. Really good stuff.

Drunk History

Okay, okay. . . So I got this idea. We get faded and then you tell me about a historical event. BRILLIANT! How do they come up with this stuff. Crazy kids. Just peeped these suckers on YouTube. Pretty funny.

Heineken: Fuck It & Guinness: Share with a Friend

Some real solid student and consumer generated content here folks. A little racy at points and possibly even a tad tasteless, but I love that shit so here it is. Enjoy. Heineken: Fuck It
Re: Heineken: Fuck It Heineken: Blowjob Guinness: Share with a Friend

The Truth

This just in: Aaron Draplin of the DDC is going to be staring in a documentary. Oh yes, this thing is going to be an absolute must see.

Check out the trailer here: "The Draplin Thing"

I fucking love this guy's stuff. Real pumped.

Silly Hipsters

Peeped this video on Mr. Rob Heppler's blog iLovePrison. Pretty legit--check it out.

The majestic McKenzie

Headed over to the McKenzie for a little trout fishin' today. Hooked into a whole bunch of those suckers. A good time was had. Here are some pictures of the adventure for your viewing pleasure.

*Fish were harmed in the making of this blog. Sorry. Mom said they sure tasted good though*

7 in the morning and not too pumped yet.

Okay, now I'm gettin' happy.

This beauty put the ultra-light to the test.

NES Contra in 1 life

Played a lot of this game as a youngster, but never achieved quite this much skill. I guess I was a slacker cause I always went for the 30 guy cheat (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start or select start for multi-player; for all yall that don't know).

The lesson for the day: With enough determination, some skill, and a little luck--anything can be achieved--yes, even Contra in one life.

Who loves ya? Jake does.